


Longing (A Goodbye)

by kor_ee_an_door



Category: New Teen Titans, Nightwing (Comics), Starfire (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics), Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, I Don't Even Know, Romance, cause when was the last time I wrote romance w/o angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-09-29 14:07:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17204783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kor_ee_an_door/pseuds/kor_ee_an_door
Summary: An old DickKory Week Prompt: What If. A take on The New Titans #114It’s been weeks since they’ve last seen each other. The aftermath of their wedding left both Dick and Kory broken, their relationship and everything they knew and hoped for in pieces. They were breaking up, they both knew that. But despite himself, Dick waits for her with candlelight, champagne, and cheese yet Kory never arrives…except what if she does?





	Longing (A Goodbye)

_C'mon, Kory--Where are you?_   It was five past eleven and she had promised to be there twenty minutes ago. He didn't mind the delay, if he were being honest, he had no idea how they were going to do this. He would never agree to do this if it were up to him. However, Kory had called and asked him if they could meet. He had been quiet at first. It had, after all, been the first time in a very long while that he had heard her voice. There were so many things he wanted to say, like _"I love you, I've missed you, where have you been?"_ , but the only thing coming out of his throat was time and address. He had whispered her name, she had replied with a quiet _"Yes?"_ and he had let out a very half-hearted _"see you later"_ instead of a very true  _"I don't want it to be over."_

 _You promised you'd be here._ She would never dishonor a promise, not even if she could. He wanted to see her, hear her voice, and hold her even though it may be the last time that he would. He knew this was coming. They were growing apart and he had let it happen, unknowingly and unconsciously, but now it was too late to go back. He knew this was going to be the end for them. She had been through so much _-too much-_ in the last few months and even though he tried to be there for her, he couldn't.

He couldn't help her when she was having nightmares every single minute, couldn't calm her down and when he thought she had gotten better, he believed it too much and didn't even see that she wasn't. For God's sake, she had lost all her memories and had become a shaman in the middle of the Amazons. And when he could find her, he realized that it had taken him too long to reach out. Too long to stop and see. It was his fault, he knew it; she probably knew it, too. 

He pushed the wedding, caused _all_ of this and the woman he loved paid for it.

A cold breeze went right through his body, chilling him inside out. Maybe it wasn't the weather. Maybe it was his heart and soul slowly breaking inside. The flickering candles seemed to agree. She wasn't coming.

Taking a deep breath, he put the glasses on the table and turned to the door. She wasn’t coming. He should’ve known better than to hope that she would come back to him and they would be happy. Happy.

 _Who am I kidding? We never--_ and then the smell of soft jasmine filled the air. He didn't need to turn back to know she was there. He didn't need to know that she probably had a quizzical look on her face, debating what to say. He debated what to do, too. 

A part of him was angry at her, for leaving him, for abandoning him, for making him fear for her life. That part loved her like crazy, and ached every there she wasn’t there. The other part wanted to do this, wanted to hear what she had to say and rip off the bandage. The other part, every part of his soul, loved her, too. But the hurt was not going away. It didn’t matter anyway.

"Hi," she said as he turned to her. He took in her form; she did the same. There was something different about her the last time they saw each other, although briefly. She looked cold, distant, so different from the loving woman he’d known and loved for years. While he would never say it to her, she reminded him of her sister, dismissive and scorning in whatever state she was. Looking at her now, he saw nothing of that. She smiled at him, the faint dimple on her right cheek showing, her eyes filled with color and life, her hair a vivacious mess. She looked different now as well, her hips a little less round, her shoulder thinner, her cheekbones sharper...He felt worried creeping in a little. Calm and joy took over quickly, all negativity being pushed away from his heart. Seeing her alive, well and seemingly collected, it was all he had wanted to see for months. She was alive.

She was leaving him.

"Hi. I thought you weren't coming." The hurt in his voice was evident, and she winced.

"I'm sorry I kept you waiting, I just..." didn’t want to do this. _Did not know how to face you. Did not know how to do what I must do upon seeing you. I just love you so much it makes me want to stay._ They all resonated with what she wanted to say. She crossed her arms and looked at the table he had set up for them. The truth of the matter was simple, however.

"Didn't know what to say." He finished for her after she got distracted. He took two steps closer, coming close enough to touch her, but not daring enough. He wanted to see her eyes. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to carry her inside and guard her for the rest of his life. He wanted their honeymoon. The marriage, being a family. Loving and cherishing her. He wanted the happiness he could only have with her. And yet he had no idea how to say or show it to her. "Neither do I."

She looked at him, faced him, for the first time in months. His features looked sharper, his eyes a little tired, he was fresh out of the shower and wearing his soft cologne that she loved. Her hand went to his jaw, where faint stubble was gracing his jawline. He shivered a little at the contact, doing his very best to hold back on grasping her, pulling her close to him, fighting the tears upon the first contact they had shared in weeks. He tried not to think about the last time he held her when she was fighting demons and nightmares and the last time he held her, in love and celebrating their future together upon his proposal. She quickly retreated her hand when similar memories crept up to her heart as well.

"You've decided to grow a beard?" she said as she stuffed her hands to her pockets. Her stylish jeans, however, offering little control and even littler restraint against the way she wanted to hold him.

"Huh?" his hands went to his jawline, lost in thought and memories, as he traced the sharp feel of the afternoon stubble. She giggled at the look in his face, the one of confusion she rarely got to see. "Oh, no, I just…forgot."

She wondered what else he might have forgotten while she was away. He was never good at paying the bills, buying groceries, unpacking, taking his umbrella when it was obvious that it was going to rain. All very simple thing, but none the less, things one gets used to having reminders for. She took in his figure. He had certainly lost weight, his features were sharper, not enough that he looked unhealthy, but like someone who had forgotten to lay off working to cook a well-thought dinner once a week. He had at least cut his hairdo, that stupid hairdo. She did not miss what Mirage had created.

"It suits you," she said, her hands faintly trailing over again. He caught her this time, putting his over hers. She retreated her hand slowly and fought her best against the tears. She didn’t want him to see her like that again. Instead, she looked at the table again, two flute glasses, her favorite champagne, cheese, candles... He was prepared, but looking at his face, hearing his voice and seeing him, she knew he had no idea why. They both knew why she called and why he replied but the truth of the matter was that neither of them really knew what tonight had in mind for them and the uncertainty of it was more excruciating than all the alternatives.

He didn't want it to be over. Neither did she. But there was little she can do to the pain in her soul, the push that wanted to be away from the planet, even if it meant leaving her heart behind.

“How are you?” she asked instead. There was little either of them could do in this situation but small talk, but even then, he had no idea how to respond. He took a step back from her. The smell of her shampoo was intoxicating, making him forget why they were meeting on that roof in the first place. Why she had made the call. 

How she was leaving him, and he was letting her.

He felt like he finally understood what defeat truly felt like. It was talking to the love of his life, his _soulmate,_ the one person he knew he needed and the conversation focusing on small talk because they hadn’t interacted in so long. Having things so messed up that she has to ask about how he was. Having no idea how things are with her either.

“I moved in here. It’s a nice place. Cozy. I don’t know if you went home recently, but—"

“I did. I know.”

‘Home’ being their old place, where he was no longer a resident. The place he’d wrecked after the first time he went home after the wedding. The place he went again and wrecked, even more, when he came back from the Amazons. The same place where he’d hurriedly cleaned the broken glass off the floor grabbed some pictures and clothes and left, giving Donna the spare key for Kory in case she came back. The same place Kory herself went to the other night and felt horrified after seeing it in shambles, that almost had her break down again after seeing his side of the closet empty. The same place she packed up today and left for good as well.

“I tried to clean it up, I don’t know if I’ve done a good job.” He said, hoping that line sounded at least a bit comforting. Reassuring her that he wasn’t broken. She wanted to say that it didn’t matter because she didn’t see the house again fully herself. It would be a lie, but perhaps for the first time in her life, she wanted to lie. She didn’t want to tell him that she took only what would be needed that night, leaving the rest for their tenant deal with. Silently crying herself to sleep when she saw one of his sweaters on the floor and held it until she slept. She didn’t want to tell him that she was keeping it. From all her years on Earth, from all the years of heartbreak and hurt. From knowing Dick and seeing his face, she knew it would not be the best to let him know. Best to not think about it.

“I understand. How are you, then?” she decided, would be a better way to change the subject. He just cocked his head and looked at her. She sighed and nodded. Yeah, not the best question to ask when you’re breaking up with your fiancé, after not seeing him for months. He sighed before replying, “I’m still the same. Nothing’s changed here.”  
His voice sounded so resigned. Held back.

“I’ll believe you if you say it with a little more faith,” she tried to joke, but her own voice betrayed her as it broke just a little bit, as it failed to hide her broken soul just a little bit.

He sat on the balcony wall. For anyone looking from the outside, it was a dangerous game, sitting there without the railings as support. She’d catch him. She always did. 

“I looked for you,” he said. She sensed the well-hidden guilt in his tone, the fact that he couldn’t find her, couldn’t help her. She wanted to tell him so badly that there was no one who could help her but herself. 

“Donna told me.”

He was surprised at that, mostly because Donna did not tell him anything about Kory, about seeing or talking to her. Though their last conversation hadn’t been very pleased with her stressed and him heartbroken and they were not looking to talk in inside voices.

“You talked to her then? Good, she was worried.” Kory nodded. Donna was known best for being worried about others more than she should be worried about herself. Kory saw through it most of the time, saw through Donna’s carefully built wall that hid her own worries and anxieties. She saw her for who she was and believed that at times, Donna saw her for who she truly was as well and understood it better than Dick. Such as it happened in their last conversation. A phone call when she returned home, saw the destruction left in the place, and called Donna immediately. Donna, her confidante, her closest friend, someone she considered a sister. 

She didn’t want to say much about her life, but the stress in her voice was evident through the telephone. She didn’t want to say she was taking care of the team that had almost killed her, almost ruined Kory’s life, almost, well, more than almost tore the team apart. She didn’t want to tell Kory that she was worried about Mirage after all she did to Kory and Dick. She didn’t want to tell her about her stupid lively worries, but Kory managed to coax some pieces out. About how Terry was getting more and more snappy at her and the others, about how Robbie was crying all night because he was growing new teeth and it was keeping all of them up at night. She told him of Impulse’s growing crush on Rose and how Deathstroke’s daughter was clearly in need of some good guidance. She told her she was gaining some weight because of all the stress eating and needed some good massage therapy. She offered Kory some girl time, maybe get that spa day they always talked about, but never actually got the chance because of their professional lives and the next crisis. Kory promised they would get together for a coffee, at their favorite little coffee shop. She didn’t say anything about the spa day. Donna solemnly gathered what she wanted to do from her lack of response. 

“She has her own worries, but she was. When is she not, really?”  
Dick nodded, accepted. Maybe he should talk to Donna as well when this is all over. Though, he felt this would not be over anytime soon for him.

Silence got the best of them for a while. Dick looked at her from where he was sitting, the moonlight reflecting on her golden complexion. She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of the city coming being carried by the winds. Short moments of peace, a calm, in a moment of emotional chaos was well appreciated, but one of them was going to break soon. Silence got the best of them. 

“So, where were you?”

A good question she didn’t really have the answer to. He had a right to know, Roy filled her in on as much as he knew, but his info was limited, her memories were even more limited. She took small steps and slowly sat next to him on the balcony wall, drafting what to say. But truly, there were no words she could say to make him feel better. No information she could give to comfort him.

“I was…I don’t know exactly. I remember pieces and bits, but none of them are completely full. My mind was a little…scattered,” she tried to explain. He considered it for a moment. She seemed completely out of it the last time he saw her, he wondered if she even remembered him there in the Amazons. 

“How so?”

“I entered an ancient Tamaranean ritual to cleanse my soul of Trigon’s influence. It backfired at first, but I’m better now.”

Yes, Tamaranean rituals that helped cleanse the soul of the evil, that was exactly what he had in mind when he couldn’t find her for weeks, chasing clue after clue, only to have her not recognize him. Was this something he should have known before? The possibility of this was something he should have asked about her culture before getting married?

Truth to be told, as sad as it was, it didn’t matter any longer. Not that he would ever question how she got better. The questions he normally would have asked weren’t important as long as she was alive and safe.

“That is good to hear. And the nightmares?”

“Are getting better. Having Trigon’s seed inside my soul really did paint colorful nightmares,” she said and laughed a little, but the words left a bitter taste in her mouth. She shook her head and quickly added, “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that.”

He would have laughed had this been any other day. He would hug her and say that it’s a side effect of prolonged Gar Logan exposure. She would laugh with him.

Any other day.

“You said you wanted to talk.”

“Yes, I did. But seeing you, it just…” she took a deep breath. There was a friendly push coming from inside, but she could feel her heart tearing into pieces. “I’m not sure what to do.”

But she had to explain what was going on to Dick. He deserved to know, he deserved so much more than what she could give him right now. Before… She needed to do something, otherwise, he was going to look for her everywhere, she had to let him go. If only having to leave the love of your life had been easy. If only she didn’t love him, she still wasn’t in love with him. If only things had gone differently.  
But they hadn’t.

“Before everything, we had a life together and a whole future to plan, I knew who I was, where I wanted to be, but now everything is so blurred, and I don't know what to do,” she said. Which was true. She didn’t know what to do. She was conflicted. Her heart wanted to stay, but something, a part of her soul, was pulling her away from this planet with a burning passion and she didn’t know which voice to listen to.

Dick took her words carefully and one at a time. The main theme was evident, but the uncertainty in her voice, the way she played with her necklace and avoided his gaze at all cost told him that she didn’t know what she wanted, or maybe that she had no idea what she was going to do. He considered what she said, and it made sense to him that she would feel this way. They had been on the same page about their relationship for a long time now, but with everything that’s been happening in her life, with Raven and the ritual she went through to get rid of her endless nightmares... Her whole life changed that day and he couldn’t blame her because so had his.

A part of him -the selfish part, the part that wanted her to be his wife and move to a secluded island with her and their two kids- wanted to convince her to not go through with it. He came up with thousands of different arguments in his head. He knew it was selfish, but he still loved her and wanted her in his life and a part of him, an almost dominant part of him, the part that unconsciously bought her favorite champagne and cheese for tonight… That part wanted to plead and beg. That part wanted to tell her they could figure things out together, move away from all the chaos and start fresh somewhere. Together.

But despite the sweet promises of that part, the possibility of joy, happiness, and endless bliss... He loved her too much to let that part take over. She was already confused, and it would be unfair of him to try to convince her to stay with him when it might not be what’s best for her, or what she wants. He wanted her to not feel guilty about what was happening tonight, he wanted her to heal and laugh and soar again.

He wanted her to be happy, and it was up to her to find what that meant to her after all of this.

He reached for her hand, “It’s going to be alright.”

She took his hand, intertwined their fingers, and tried not to think of how well they fit together.

“How can you honestly believe that?”

Despite the storm brewing inside him, he smiled. “I see you. You’re here.”

For a moment, she thought he might kiss her, or maybe she thought she might kiss him. But the second she realized that the moment was gone. They couldn’t hold onto it even if they wanted to.

“Dick…”

He let go of her hand gently, as if he needed a different kind of strength and holding her hand was the kryptonite for it.

“I know why you called. This is goodbye.”

She knew from the way he said it that he didn’t truly believe that. His eyes spoke the truth as they had always done for her.

She wanted to shout. She wanted to fight and scream that it wasn’t. That it didn’t have to be goodbye for them. She wanted to tell him that this was more than goodbye, that he was more than a name on a checklist she needed to cross before leaving. She wanted to tell him she didn’t know what this was, what she was expecting from tonight. That every single cell in her body wanted to be with him, that her heart yearned for it, but there was something, an outside force she didn’t quite understand that called her home, called her away from him.

She wanted to tell him that waking up every day, closer to this city felt like death was creeping over her. There was a danger coming she wasn’t able to feel before, one that she wanted to protect herself from while also protect him from seeing her more damaged. She wanted to tell him that she loved him so much and would love him no matter what, always. She wanted to tell him that despite everything, despite the dread, despite the pull, that she wanted to stay with him, only didn’t know how.

She wanted to tell him that she would not be able to get those words out of her mouth even if she wanted to. She wanted to tell him all of it.

“It’s not that simple.”

However, the truth was that it was very simple. They couldn’t have what they wanted.

He tried to be gentle with his words, but also to not drag this on any longer, because any given second, he felt like he would either break down or explode and he didn’t want Kory to see him in either way.

“Aren’t we breaking up, Kory? That is simple. Whether you want that or not is simple.”

“I want you,” she replied quickly, a little boldly and regrettably. He leaned into her a little bit and her body mirrored him for a second, before quickly getting up from her place and taking a few steps towards the door, turning her back to him. The desire to hold him, be with him and never let go was so strong, she felt she could burst any second. She wanted to forget the tug from her soul that felt threat in every corner of this city, of this planet. She wanted him, to be with him and wipe his tears away. To forget this last year had ever existed, go back to happier times, peaceful times. But there was a part of her that knew it would be unfair to him to drag him into this. She felt that her heart and brain were not in cooperation today and she couldn’t help but think maybe it would have been better to act human than Tamaranean, “I’m sorry, it was unfair of me to say that.”

He went to her, gently putting both of his hands on her upper arms, feeling if he didn’t do that, she would fly away and he would never see her again. Never get a chance to say what he truly wanted to say.  
“Please don’t push me away,” he pleaded. He came a little bit closer and she could feel his breath on her neck and it was becoming a little too much to handle. She didn’t know what she’d do if he came even a little a millimeter closer to her. Her head pounded, her heart wanted to break free of her body.

“Dick, I came here to—”

“I couldn’t find you, I couldn’t help you. Not there, not after, not when you went away. I was worried and scared,” he said. She was baffled by his honesty. He had always been true to her, but rarely ever this direct and in touch with how he felt. She turned to him, her worries be damned if the man she loved was hurting.

“It wasn’t your fault, Dick. What happened wasn’t your fault,” she said as she held his face and made him look at her. His hands found their place on her waist, but he was determined to feel the guilt, taking the fall for everything that happened.

“I pushed the wedding. I ignored my other duties, I pushed you,” he said as he shook his head and closed his eyes, suddenly not wanting to meet her eyes. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing, it left her bewildered. She wanted to laugh at him, for thinking such silly things. There was no chance that she blamed him for what happened to them. There was no one, but Trigon to blame for what happened to any of them. But leave it to Dick Grayson to take the blame from an interdimensional demon and punish himself for it.

“Look at me,” she said firmly after he didn’t respond the first time. He obeyed slowly, tears pooling up in his eyes. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, we wanted to be together, you did nothing wrong. What happened wasn’t your fault.”

Her own tears started streaming down her face, the reality of the last months crashing down on them. She needed him to know it wasn’t his fault, they could not have planned for anything like that. She was keeping her distance before, trying her best to keep herself composed, but seeing him like he was before her, beaten and broken…She felt every reservation she had before disappearing, becoming significantly less important compared to how she felt about the man in front of her. Kory leaned in until their foreheads were touching, her hands gently holding his face as her thumbs were wiping away his tears. Their eyes closed, she could almost hear their hearts beating through the different noises coming through the streets.

“I missed you,” Dick said, “I had this whole speech in my head about understanding why we got together, here, tonight. But the truth is, the only thing that matters, that ever mattered with us is that I love you and I missed you.”

They held their posture for a while, neither wanting to break the first real contact they had in weeks. He pulled her in closer to a hug, she wrapped her arms around his neck.

The city was alive around them -sirens blaring in the distance, soft music coming from one of the buildings nearby, dogs barking- but all they could care at that moment was each other. He held her close to his chest, not out of fear that she’d leave, but from the joy it gave to him to hold her, knowing that she was alright. It gave him the same serenity he felt after every battle they survived, seeing her alive, standing tall and strong. He wanted this feeling, this love, for the rest of his life. She was right in one thing, they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together then and no matter what came from it, he would never regret wanting that, wanting this with her.

“I love you, too,” she said as she looked at him, as the flame of the of the candles he put disappeared behind them as did the rest of the world. “I will always love you.”

After that, it was almost instinctual the way their bodies pulled into each other, like a part of nature, like it was meant to be the moment they had met, the same as the moment she flew down to meet him on this roof.

They both leaned in for the kiss.

He was gentle and careful with what he was doing, his mind still trying to think and trying to focus. But their lips met like it was a habit and they were both left to wonder how they could think they could ever live without the other.

Their cheeks were wet from the tears streaming down from their eyes, they held nothing back that night. They hadn’t properly touched in weeks. They hadn’t been together in what felt like an eternity and suddenly the need to be close, the need to be whole again burned their hearts more than any other time.

The kiss grew more heated, more desperate for more, burning with passion. Her one hand sneaked up under his shirt, wanting to feel his skin while the other was lost in his hair, while his own were on spots that he knew were made much more sensitive to her. The stepped back in the small balcony until Kory’s back gently hit the wall. She wasted no time and wrapped her legs around his waist while he started kissing his way down her neck.

He got lost on her skip, trailing kisses wherever he could. It amazed both of them while this was all so familiar, it was also brand new, ever sensation different, emotions mixed up in new combinations, sadness wanting to surrender to love, desperation mixing with desire, adoration wanting to overshadow doubt… Their reactions were different, the reality of their current status making every sensation more intense, every touch more intense.

She was responding to his every touch, everywhere his hands were, every place his lips were touching were on fire. She ran her fingers through his hair and he groaned. His hand wandered under her shirt, skin coming in contact with skin and she brought him closer to herself.  
Everything was a blur until they made their way to his room, he only saw flashes of it as they made their way towards his apartment. He didn’t care who heard them or what they knocked over on their way there. He carried her inside to a now moonlit room and carefully set her on the bed, she threw her shoes off, he followed suit as they made their way further on to the bed.

Neither of them allowed a second to themselves to think what was to come, to think this might be the very last night they had together. She took off his shirt and pulled hers off, he gently took off her bra and headband. They were not following their old routines tonight. Normally, there would be love words said between them, words of adoration and passion. They would laugh, the would take their time, they would feel like time was all they had in the world. Not tonight, they didn’t want to talk any longer, talking lead to the end and they wanted to keep that idea

He started making his way down on her body, kissing and biting his way down her body. His hands were gentler on her body than his mouth was, caressing and tracing her figure before they sneaked down to undo her jeans. Normally, she would have giggled at his eagerness, take more control, seduce his brains out and would take her time torturing him with love, today she responded with hurried fervor.

He wanted to hold her forever, kiss her forever, love her forever, but she broke a vital rule as she moaned his name.

Forever was shorter than they wanted to admit.

“Kory, I—” he stopped what he was doing and looked at her face. He knew taking a second, the shortest second would lead to him to question things.

“What is it?” she asked, her cheeks wet from tears of tonight and her lips swollen from their kisses.

He wanted nothing more than not question this. He wanted to surrender to love and forget he ever said anything, but they needed to be certain about what they were about to have meant.

“I need to know if this is goodbye.”

She turned to her side for a moment, not wanting to face the reality herself, a diamond tear fell from her cheeks to his bed. She knew what she needed to do, she knew where she was headed, and that road was not Earthbound.

But there, in his arms, she didn’t want to lie to him. She could never lie to him.

“I’m here tonight.”

He didn’t need to hear any more. He reached over and tucked a few runaway curls on her face. For a second, it reminded him of the first time they met, her hair in curls, big, crescent formed bangs framing her face. His hand stayed on her cheek, his thumb caressing her softly, his eyes trying to engrave everything he was seeing to his memory. Then pulled her closer to continue what they had left undone.

They kissed until their lips hurt, hands moving all over each other’s bodies, wanting to discover, wanting to remember everything. Every inch, every sound, every feeling, they wanted to engrave this moment into their memories, overrun through every fight, every bad day, every nightmare, every crisis. Their hands were on every curve, every muscle and glazing over their glistening bodies to reach for more and more and more. 

Their minds were in sync then they had ever been in, they both wanted to make this moment last, they wanted to forget the death and sorrow, they wanted to forget there was a tomorrow.

They wanted to forget they would ever have to say goodbye.

When he entered her, she didn’t know whether the tears that escaped her eyes were out of sheer pleasure or the moving clock, but it didn’t matter. There was no time when it was sorely needed. Every move, every wave crashing back to them with memories they wanted to hold onto for a little longer. Their first kiss, first time together, times they stayed up at night talking about their future, their trials to find the best pie in New York, their flight and mid-air kisses, their fights, and confessions…

They were following a soft, slow rhythm, a familiar song at the begging, he was taking his time, enjoying every sound coming from her mouth. She wanted him to move, but he kept her on the edge for a while, instead of focusing on anywhere else he could touch with his body. Her neck, her breast, her lips. She was much more impatient than he was or perhaps it was her body and her desire that was urging him to move forward.

She bit down on his shoulder as he quickened his pace, every thrust going deeper and deeper into her. They couldn’t get enough, there was always need for more: more time, more love, more good, more fights about who will take out the garbage, more of the little things that had mattered so much over the years.

They were past tired, they were past soreness, they were past the heartbreak and the heartache that would surely be coming back tomorrow with a vengeance. But that night, there, with them, at that moment, they welcomed all of it, they welcomed every piece of their broken hearts, stolen moments of a future they wouldn’t -couldn’t- have. They wanted to be in the now fully and without reservations, forever and always, in their arms. She wanted to let go of her fears and ignore the painful pull on her soul and he wanted to forget the past mistakes and grievances. They were, more than they had ever been in the moment where the past, the present and the future was falling back around them.

They went on again and again until the urgency of the night mixing into oblivion as they forgot every reason why other than each other and moved on to small remainders. The heat had burned out, all there was space for was the love they still shared. He kissed her, thoroughly and gently, then parted with her lips and pressed his lips over her jaw and down her neck to her shoulder. He took his time where he knew she took pleasure from, the corner of her neck, over her collarbone, kissing right under her chin when she arched her head back. He devoted time to trail her body, caressing and seizing every single opportunity to ravish her for what seemed to be forever.

Afterward, they didn’t utter a word for the rest of the night.

All there was to say about them had been said.

Only slow kisses on their temples as they got ready to sleep in each other’s embrace. Kory just turned to her side, moving closer to the man she loved as he pulled her into his embrace, one hand under her head, playing with the curls over her head as the other intertwined with hers, standing right over her heart. She tilted her head back, he was looking at her with gentle, loving eyes. He reached to kiss her nose, something that always made her giggle and blush no matter what they had done a moment before and she kissed his hand before turning back to her side, overseeing the window, and prayed her god to not let tomorrow come and take him from her.

When she woke up it was warm and dark. There was a blanket on her that she knew very well, and she was in the arms that she felt safest. She turned to her side, gently and slowly to not disturb Dick, who was a heavy sleeper when he slept, but she knew he didn’t sleep as often as he should. She watched him take breaths. And snore softly, occasionally. A sign of sleep deprivation. She remembered the time they looked up why he might be snoring so much on the internet. She hadn’t really been bothered by it, despite being a light sleeper, but Dick had obsessed over it until they researched why he might be snoring all of a sudden and she found an article that said recovery sleep may lead to excessive snoring due to fatigue and a persistent sleep drive.  
She joked that they should call the Church of Blood to reschedule the next attack so that they could make a sleeping schedule. He had laughed with her and they fell asleep that night watching a bad horror movie on the couch.

That memory seemed so far away now.

She would have wanted to say that she had a good night’s sleep, but after their lovemaking and the stress of today, she knew she had not slept deeply and would not be able to sleep again. She gazed over to the city from the windows, she knew this time of the day, the sun was going to rise soon. She got up softly to not disturb Dick, picked up her jeans and shirt from the floor and put them on while making her way to the roof.

The cold hit her in the face and she realized it was well into autumn if it was not already there. She felt sad knowing summer was over before realizing this was her goodbye to the city, too. She looked below to where Dick lived. A little away, in the corner of the street, she could see a diner opening up. There were all residences around, so many buildings. She smiled at out of every weird thing she encountered on this planet, she had seen nothing like New York City. A place she had spent shortest time adjusting and longest time uncovering. She and Donna had once taken a tour across the city, Donna wanted to show her every landmark of city, yet she didn't understand what had made New York so special until one day, in a morning very early as this one, they had returned home after a mission and she saw from their apartment, the life in the city. It had its own beat, its ups, and downs, people trying to live, looking for their big break, getting up early and going home late. All with an idea of how their lives were going to be in the Big Apple. She wondered now if after five years she could see as a New Yorker.

Wondering if, after all of this, she'd still have a chance to come back to it.

This city had become her home. She had built so many new things, lived a life full of excitement and direction. She built friendships that had both literally and figuratively saved her life. She loved this city. She would hate to say goodbye to it forever.

“Bailing out on me?”

She turned back to the door, a little startled, to see Dick standing there, leaning to the door frame with two cups in his hand and a blanket on his shoulders.

“What? No, I just needed some fresh air,” she explained. She turned back to the city, the cars already making noise ahead.

“And New York,” he offered as he made his way next to her, slowly to not burn his hand with boiling water.

“And New York,” she said as he came closer, her face lighting up from seeing him. She pressed a soft kiss to his lips after he carefully put the cups on the table they left unattended last night. "Hello," she said as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

He kissed her again, slower this time, a smile on his lips from actually seeing her there after waking up to an empty bed.

"Good morning."

She was quick to sense the stress on him and realized what this might look like.

“You don’t have to worry about me, I’m not leaving yet. It’s not even morning, go back to sleep.”

“I couldn’t sleep much, either,” he offered in return. Only a half lie, but a bad lie. He could not leave even if he wanted to now. They were already up and there were still things they needed to talk about.

“Is that for me?” she asked pointing to the cups he quickly abandoned earlier, filled by a need to pass time after she left his bed, to give her some time to make up her mind about what she wanted. He nodded but made no move to grab one. To allow her to leave if she wanted or to give her time to think if she indeed wanted to stay. He had still made two cups of her favorite tea, though.

“I hoped--” he stopped himself. I hoped you were here. I hoped you hadn’t left. I hope you wouldn’t leave. Whatever he wanted to say was unfair to her, so he stayed quiet. He also made no move to pick up the glasses, his hand still burning from bringing them up. She played with the strand of one of the tea bags a little, the smell of linden early in the morning bringing back familiar feelings.

He hugged her from behind, covering both of them with the blanket he brought as much as he could. He didn’t say anything or do anything as they watched and listened to the city coming back to life.

She stayed quiet and sunk into him, feeling the same safety she had when they woke up. The same safety she felt with him whenever they were together. She couldn’t believe how broken she felt over what she wanted and what she needed. Her mind went back and back to Tamaran’s golden skies like a replayed recording, but her heart was so unsure of what to do while she was in his arms. It would not be healthy for them, she thought. It wouldn’t be fair to him to deal with her while beginning something so new and different. It wouldn’t be fair to drag him with her to the land of unknown either. She knew in her heart he knew these too and hoped he understood it because more than anything, she needed him to understand it.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, she looked adrift in her own world. She put her head on his shoulder and looked at him, a sad smile on her lips and he smiled back at the complete absurdity of their position with her height, but the closeness it brought them still remarkable.

“Nothing,” she said as she put held him tighter, “I just love you.”  
He hugged her tighter, held her closer in return before replying, “I love you, too.”

She avoided meeting his eye, not a challenging task with how they were standing, but he didn’t need to do much to see her mind was a mile away, worrying over things to come.

“Hey, look at me. Tell me what’s in your head. Please?” he asked gently. She knew he was trying to be understanding. She knew that he fully understood what her words meant last night and a part of her was grateful for it. Still, there was no easy way to tell him what she was thinking, where she wanted to go and who she wanted to be.

“I’ve been thinking about what I should do. I know what I want to do, but..." she trailed off. It was already too hard. He pressed a soft kiss on her shoulders and finished it for her.

“The future you think doesn’t have me in it.”

Tears were starting to pool in her eyes again, but this time without the denial and the fear of last night, just bittersweet acceptance.

“I’m so sorry. But I cannot pull you into a soul search. Not when you have plans of your own. A name to build, plans for the future."

He nodded, then pressed a kiss on her shoulder, then another. He quickly gazed to the table they had forgotten last night. He had spent the whole day preparing himself mentally for this moment, but there was no way he could have known what it would feel like, but, in the end, it didn’t matter as long as it was what she wanted and what she needed.

"I just want you to be happy, Kory. I want you to smile as you fly through the air and I want you to live your life to its fullest, I want you to be able to take time and do the things you love in peace. And if what you have in mind doesn't include me… I’m okay with that as long as you are going to be happy and not settle for anything less."

She turned a little to her side, enough to see his face and cup her hand without disrupting their cocoon. She wanted to look into his eyes when she said this, to let him know she meant it and would always mean it.

"I love you. With all my heart."

He smiled and kissed her nose, knowing very well it always made her laugh a little. She never disappointed him.

"I love you, too, Kory. With every ounce of my being."

She turned back to the city, the sun already making its way over the city.

"Can we just stay here for a little longer?" she asked. Not wanting this moment to end anytime soon.

"As long as you want," he replied.

They stayed in silence for a while, both of them trying to engrave into their memories what this moment felt like. The serenity in each other's arms.

"I don't want you out of my life," she said after too many moments passed in silence.

"I know."

"And I want you to be happy, too, Dick."

_You are my happiness._

"I just don't think my life's here, on Earth, any more and you would--" she tried to explain, but he knew all too well what she meant.

"I would confuse things. I know.” She seemed unsatisfied with it, but they couldn’t think about the reasons why they had to do this, deep down they both knew this was something they had to do right now. And if it was going to be any consolation, they had to focus on what was good in the world. What was going to make things better? She knew about him, he was going to move forward, do the things they had discussed. Protect the city of New York, learn, train, improve. Decide what the next step was and leap forward to make it. He wanted to hear about her.

“Tell me about it.”

“What?” she asked startled.

“Where you’re headed. The future.”

“Dick…” she started, not sure if she should share this with him, not knowing whether it would help or not. Whether the truth was something bright for him, while right now it meant everything to her.  
He pressed a soft kiss to her neck and gave her a gentle, encouraging squeeze. “C’mon. I want to know. Truly. Let me?”

She wondered what it might be, but the moment it did, she imagined Tamaran’s golden skies and coursing rivers and the home she grew up in. The tree she saw from her chambers, the city center, the green, and lush trees, and life blooming everywhere.

"I thought about home," she said finally, her voice quiet. She didn’t want to admit it to him, especially because he knew what going home also meant for her.

"Tamaran." at that moment, Dick didn't act like the idea that she was going to be twenty-seven million-something light years away didn't hurt. He also didn't act like Tamaran being her home didn't hurt, either. But there was the fact that she was also be going back to her family, to her role, to her father. So, he knew Kory wouldn’t make this decision lightly, but a part of him hurt from her admission, knowing that not only was she leaving him, but she was also leaving him for her planet twenty-seven or more light years away from her home.

She turned to him, her arms around his waist, he pulled the blanket up her shoulders. If only they could stay like this forever.

“Dick…I will not lie to you, I have no idea where this journey will take me or where yours will lead you, so I won't pretend that this may very well be the last time we see each other," she said, his face twisted at the last bit.

"Kory--"

"Hear me out, please," she asked. He nodded, solemnly. He knew she needed to say this and even worse, he knew he needed to hear her actually say it.

"I won't pretend that I know how long it will take me to get back on my feet or how I can move on. I won't pretend that I will not stop risking myself for others and I know neither will you. But I know, no matter what the future holds, I will love you. As a friend, a lover or something else—If there is anything about us that matters, it’s that I will always love you."

He closed his eyes for a second, then opening them and answering surely and certainly, "I will always love you, too."

They had no idea where the future would lead them or how long they would be able to keep the fleeting and heartbreaking serenity of this goodbye, but they were sure of one thing: no matter where they were headed, what they felt right now would never change and as long as it were true, they hoped the future made way so that they could meet again.


End file.
